I know I've been MIA for a week or so. I've just been real down lately and not wanting to depress anyone with my posts.
My biggest concern right now is my mom (again!). She's still not found a job yet, just applied to about 4 places last week but has heard nothing. Her rent is due today and she has no money to pay for it. I don't have the money to pay her rent and even if I did, I know my husband wouldn't do it. Both me and grandma feel like we need to take care of her but at the same time it's not like she's "down on her luck" and needs a helping hand. She's almost deliberately done this to herself, and I think that the fact that she keeps getting bailed out of her money problems is the reason why she's continuing to make poor choices. She's had no REAL reason to find a job, someone's bailed her out one way or another all year. So, that's where I'm at. Stuck because I WANT to help, but know that if I do, it will only prolong the situation, not fix it....
I've also been so bummed about my weight. I know it's MY fault but I just feel like I'm a big fat failure right now. I'm back at 185, right where I was a year ago. I know, I know, I'm also 3 months pregnant, but that really seems to be no excuse now a days. Everywhere I look, I see pg women who are still skinny and have just the slightest bump in front at 4 months. Here I am, looking like I'm 5 months along already. I know I need to start getting some kindof excercise, but it just seems like I can barely get school and housework done, how do I find the 2 hours it takes to pile everyone in the car and go excercise??? Maybe it would give me more energy to keep up with everything better, but when you're in survival mode, that's a big "maybe".
Hannah got her skirt finished yesterday for that wool contest. Wow, talk about an excercise in patience for ME! It's so hard for me to stand by and not be able to "help" her. Well, I did help her some, but I think I stayed within the rules. The instructor (me) is not supposed to help make the garment the child is working on and the child is supposed to do all the work. The only "touching" I did was to demonstrate how to do something, then I let go and let her do all the work herself. She did a great job for a 7 1/2 year old. I forgot to take pics of it but will take some at the luncheon where it will be judged and modeled by her.
Last night we had AWANA. It was nice to not have to "invent" a reason to leave the house and avoid the trick-or-treaters. It also gave my kids something to do so that they didn't feel left out. I was thinking yesterday though, why DO I have to find something for my kids to do so that they don't feel left out of something I truly believe is satanic. I think that by making sure my kids have something to do instead of halloween, sends them the message that they ARE missing out on something, and they will always "secretly wish" they were doing it too. It should be a lesson for them that the "world" does things that are sinful, we are NOT to join them in their sin, period. Not sure if I'm making sense here or not, but I am in my mind:)
Jen ºÜº
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1 comment:
Girl- snap out of it! You have an aweseome creation growing inside of you and I don't want to hear about your weight gain! I have gained all but 1.8 pounds of what I had lost and I am not pregnant (between the knee and depression I feel like I can't win!) What would you tell Hannah if this was her? That God created each of us differently. Some people have great metabolisms and some don't - some have developed good "habits" and others haven't. The best thing to do is take care of yourself by making good choices and trying to get in some type of exercise. Which BTW- I read yesterday (or maybe it was Monday)that when we exercise we have MORE energy so that's why we feel so tired when we stop exercising (if you take a few days "off") and it's hard to get back on because of the "sloth" mode (that was my term and not what they used). Can you go walking outside (like a family walk - take Penny) or is it still to hot? A walk around the block is better than nothing.... (that's what me and Baker are doing!)
Focus on the positive - the little one that is developing. We can talk about your weight after your delivery in May!
Plus I need you to handle this well because I am hoping to get pregnant after I get this weight off and I need you to be a strong example of "it's okay to gain back what you lost" because you can lose it again. Focusing on the positives of what is happening to your body, not the negatives!
As for your mom- I am sorry. She has become accustomed to being bailed out. It reminds me of a teenager who doesn't take responsibility until they HAVE to (you and I were never like that but look at my sibling...) I am sure she has 5 days or so before there are extra fee's on the rent and I believe she has until the end of the month to play "catch up" before they can give her the boot (read her contract to find out how many days specific she can be late). I would then ask her what she is going to do because you can't pay her bills and neither can your grandma and if she gets a job she can get this done by _____ - just don't agree to the "I'll pay you back line..." that's just another form of procrastination. This is going to be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but with all things there is a reason for it (we may not understand until MANY years from now).
Oh goodness I have been "on fire" today.... hopefully this is read in the way it was intended (to help not hinder)
~B
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